Give 'em what they want - Part Three - Your General Appearance

This step will not come easy. It is going to take truthful self examination on your part. And, you will not achieve success overnight. Take a good long look in your mirror and in your closet. Is filled mainly with sweat-shirts, sweat-pants, jeans, t-shirts, and, pants with elastic waists? If yes, then you need to accept that you are sending a message to the world and that message isn't a positive one. If these are the only items in your closet or the only items you will wear you are clearly saying "I don't care and neither should you."

Stop right now! I already told you that you wouldn't want to accept this part. I told you that you needed to be truly ready to change.

Take a minute. Take a deep breath. Now think about it again. Aren't you in fact saying "I don't care and neither should you"? Trust me. I WAS YOU! So, I know every denial, every ounce of pain, and, every thing you don't want to admit to yourself right now.

THAT'S OK!!

What is good is that you're still reading. No one (especially not me) expects you to accept change easily. And there could be a lot of facts at play here. Perhaps you have a job that doesn't require you to dress. Perhaps you want to change but don't know how to start. Perhaps you don't know how to update your look.

RELAX. We will cover all these things in good time. Today is just about getting you thinking about how to change your look. And that starts with evaluating your closet, dresser, and your wardrobe.

You are going to make three piles:

1. Things that don't fit. It doesn't matter if the item is too big or too small. If it doesn't fit you right now, then put it in the this pile - with the exception of clothing going in pile number 2 (directly below).
   
2. Make a pile of things you can't part with - and no - you can't keep everything. These are items that have sentimental value. You will eventually get rid of these items too, just not now.
3. The last pile is easy. Take one garment or outfit that is the biggest size you ever wore. This is going to serve as your reminder and inspiration of why you began changing your life in the first place. And, then (if you have one) take one garment or outfit that is your goal size. And this will serve as a reminder of where you need to get.

Now take the remaining clothing - items that DO fit RIGHT NOW - and put them away. Then you are going to put away piles 2 and 3. As for pile 1 - get a huge trash bag or two or 20 if you need them and stuff them until they are full. Take those clothes to your closest Salvation Army or clothing bin that accepts used clothing and give them to someone who really needs them.

Have you done all the things listed above? Come on, have you? Really? You have? Then a huge hug and a very warm and sincere congratulations from me to you!! You are on the way to changing your life.

I will remind you that the journey on which you are embarking is not an easy one. It's going to be hard not to slip back and let old habits resume, and, even if you do THAT'S OK! Just start the process over again. You CAN do this and you will feel great once you get there!

Give 'em what they want - Part Two - Your General Appearance

Continuing the series of "Give 'em what they want" today's focus is on your overall general appearance. Once again take a good long, hard look in the mirror at yourself. Is what you are wearing something that you wear on a regular basis? Do you like it or is it merely convenient?

There are two types of poor dressers: those who simply don't care and those who simply don't know any better. Remember the title of this series is Give 'em what they want. Keep in mind in order to change whom you attract, you have to change your outward appearance. This means chances are what you are wearing is NOT attractive.

You might not want to read this, but, if you don't care about your outward appearance, what makes you think that anyone would give you a second look? They'll never get to know your personality if you can't attract them first. Dressing is about others, and, not about you!

The movie "The Devil Wears Prada" takes a look at fashion and the quote below more than likely applies to you:

Miranda Priestly: [Miranda and some assistants are deciding between two similar belts for an outfit. Andy sniggers because she thinks they look exactly the same] Something funny?
Andy Sachs: No, no, nothing. Y'know, it's just that both those belts look exactly the same to me. Y'know, I'm still learning about all this stuff.
Miranda Priestly: This... 'stuff'? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean. You're also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? I think we need a jacket here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic casual corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.

From the movie "The Devil Wears Prada"

Your assignment today is to rent and watch "The Devil Wears Prada" and notice the transformation of Andy Sachs (played by Anne Hathaway) from frumpy to stylish. Watch the movie two or three times if necessary.

After you're done, take a hard look at yourself. Is your manner of dress like Andy in the beginning of the movie or more like middle to the end of the movie (not including the very last part when she goes on the job interview.)

Tomorrow we'll examine how you can begin to morph from frumpy to stylish.

Give 'em what they want - Part One - Your Hair

Sit back and think about who you like or about someone you've had a crush on for a while. It can be anyone - a movie or television star; a classmate or co-worker; someone from your church; or even a neighbor. Just pick someone whom you wish you could meet or have notice you "in THAT way." What is it that attracts you to this person? In 80 to 90 percent of the cases, chances are the person who popped into your mind is physically attractive. Now before the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" concept is brought up, allow me to explain what I mean by physically attractive.

I am talking specifically talking about the person's body and how they "keep" themselves physically (meaning clean, hair is kept, and clothing is updated.) There is a better than 80% chance that the person you wish would notice you or you could meet is physically close to his or her ideal weight range. So now is the time to be realistic with yourself and it's going to hurt to admit this - very few people are attracted to someone "in THAT way" if that someone is overweight. Yes, of course there are exceptions to the rule so you can save your hate mail. However, it is a rule of thumb that you have to accept.

I am not telling you to go on a crash diet. I am not telling you that you aren't worth loving now. I am not telling you that you can't get a date or fall in love if you are overweight. That isn't what I am saying at all. What I am telling you is people are very superficial and as an overweight person, you already know this to be true. How many times have girls or guys passed you up for your thin friend? Even if that friend isn't as smart or nice as you? Kind of sucks right? Unfortunately that is the way of most of the world and that's why you have to accept that you have to "give 'em what they want".

While it's unfair, first impressions are lasting impressions. We are only human and nearly everyone is going to select the more physically attractive person before the less physically attractive person. Again, there are always exceptions but, in general this is the rule of thumb.

The good news? You have the power to change. But, it's going to take time and it is going to be a commitment. It isn't going to happen overnight but, it can happen - only if you're really to work at it. And you can start today.

Today's Mission - YOUR HAIR
Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Is your hair frizzy or messed or perhaps you're sporting a hair style from 20 years ago. Good news. You can change this and it can be done immediately. Remember, it's only hair. Hair will grow back if you don't like a new style or hair cut. Don't know how you want it done? That's why there are hair stylists. Most salons offer free consultations about how your hair type and which styles will work best on you. Most salons have hundreds of photos and a good stylist will know what to recommend to you. Don't be afraid to change, if it it's been 10 years since your last visit to the hair salon then tell the stylist that you're nervous. Most good stylists will help get you over the fear.

Guys this one is for you. You need to look at your facial hair. Do you have a beard or mustache? If yes, is it clean and trim? Or do you look like you just crawled out of a cave for the first time in your life. If you're not sure, have them clean you up with a trim at the hair salon. Then once you see what they've done, you can keep it up at home. Again, don't be afraid to change, even if it means shaving your beard or mustache off completely. Many of people, myself included, find the clean shaven look the most appealing on men. However, if you prefer facial hair just make sure you keep it trim and attractive. Yes, it take work but you know what? It's worth it - if you want to attract the type of people you are only wishing would pay attention to you now.

Is money the problem? Did you know that if you really look you CAN get a free haircut? It's going to take some serious research on your part but, it CAN be done. Here are a few examples:

• In the Carolinas - give blood, get a free haircut. Read the article here: http://www.garnercitizen.com/2009/08/give-blood-get-a-free-haircut/
• Get a free haircut in NYC and maybe even become a hair model: http://www.jaunted.com/story/2009/4/2/12938/36041/travel/How+to+Get+a+Free+Haircut+in+New+York+City+%28And+Maybe+Become+a+Hair+Model%29
• Beauty training schools are often looking for volunteers in exchange for free haircuts. Bookmark this site for reference: http://www.survivalinsight.com/cheap-haircuts.html

So now that I've busted the "I cannot afford it" bubble, what is really holding you back? Change doesn't have to be a scary thing and a hair cut can be the first step towards creating a whole new you. You CAN do it!

Make an appointment today and keep it!