Give 'em what they want - Part Three - Your General Appearance

This step will not come easy. It is going to take truthful self examination on your part. And, you will not achieve success overnight. Take a good long look in your mirror and in your closet. Is filled mainly with sweat-shirts, sweat-pants, jeans, t-shirts, and, pants with elastic waists? If yes, then you need to accept that you are sending a message to the world and that message isn't a positive one. If these are the only items in your closet or the only items you will wear you are clearly saying "I don't care and neither should you."

Stop right now! I already told you that you wouldn't want to accept this part. I told you that you needed to be truly ready to change.

Take a minute. Take a deep breath. Now think about it again. Aren't you in fact saying "I don't care and neither should you"? Trust me. I WAS YOU! So, I know every denial, every ounce of pain, and, every thing you don't want to admit to yourself right now.

THAT'S OK!!

What is good is that you're still reading. No one (especially not me) expects you to accept change easily. And there could be a lot of facts at play here. Perhaps you have a job that doesn't require you to dress. Perhaps you want to change but don't know how to start. Perhaps you don't know how to update your look.

RELAX. We will cover all these things in good time. Today is just about getting you thinking about how to change your look. And that starts with evaluating your closet, dresser, and your wardrobe.

You are going to make three piles:

1. Things that don't fit. It doesn't matter if the item is too big or too small. If it doesn't fit you right now, then put it in the this pile - with the exception of clothing going in pile number 2 (directly below).
   
2. Make a pile of things you can't part with - and no - you can't keep everything. These are items that have sentimental value. You will eventually get rid of these items too, just not now.
3. The last pile is easy. Take one garment or outfit that is the biggest size you ever wore. This is going to serve as your reminder and inspiration of why you began changing your life in the first place. And, then (if you have one) take one garment or outfit that is your goal size. And this will serve as a reminder of where you need to get.

Now take the remaining clothing - items that DO fit RIGHT NOW - and put them away. Then you are going to put away piles 2 and 3. As for pile 1 - get a huge trash bag or two or 20 if you need them and stuff them until they are full. Take those clothes to your closest Salvation Army or clothing bin that accepts used clothing and give them to someone who really needs them.

Have you done all the things listed above? Come on, have you? Really? You have? Then a huge hug and a very warm and sincere congratulations from me to you!! You are on the way to changing your life.

I will remind you that the journey on which you are embarking is not an easy one. It's going to be hard not to slip back and let old habits resume, and, even if you do THAT'S OK! Just start the process over again. You CAN do this and you will feel great once you get there!

Give 'em what they want - Part Two - Your General Appearance

Continuing the series of "Give 'em what they want" today's focus is on your overall general appearance. Once again take a good long, hard look in the mirror at yourself. Is what you are wearing something that you wear on a regular basis? Do you like it or is it merely convenient?

There are two types of poor dressers: those who simply don't care and those who simply don't know any better. Remember the title of this series is Give 'em what they want. Keep in mind in order to change whom you attract, you have to change your outward appearance. This means chances are what you are wearing is NOT attractive.

You might not want to read this, but, if you don't care about your outward appearance, what makes you think that anyone would give you a second look? They'll never get to know your personality if you can't attract them first. Dressing is about others, and, not about you!

The movie "The Devil Wears Prada" takes a look at fashion and the quote below more than likely applies to you:

Miranda Priestly: [Miranda and some assistants are deciding between two similar belts for an outfit. Andy sniggers because she thinks they look exactly the same] Something funny?
Andy Sachs: No, no, nothing. Y'know, it's just that both those belts look exactly the same to me. Y'know, I'm still learning about all this stuff.
Miranda Priestly: This... 'stuff'? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean. You're also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? I think we need a jacket here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic casual corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.

From the movie "The Devil Wears Prada"

Your assignment today is to rent and watch "The Devil Wears Prada" and notice the transformation of Andy Sachs (played by Anne Hathaway) from frumpy to stylish. Watch the movie two or three times if necessary.

After you're done, take a hard look at yourself. Is your manner of dress like Andy in the beginning of the movie or more like middle to the end of the movie (not including the very last part when she goes on the job interview.)

Tomorrow we'll examine how you can begin to morph from frumpy to stylish.

Give 'em what they want - Part One - Your Hair

Sit back and think about who you like or about someone you've had a crush on for a while. It can be anyone - a movie or television star; a classmate or co-worker; someone from your church; or even a neighbor. Just pick someone whom you wish you could meet or have notice you "in THAT way." What is it that attracts you to this person? In 80 to 90 percent of the cases, chances are the person who popped into your mind is physically attractive. Now before the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" concept is brought up, allow me to explain what I mean by physically attractive.

I am talking specifically talking about the person's body and how they "keep" themselves physically (meaning clean, hair is kept, and clothing is updated.) There is a better than 80% chance that the person you wish would notice you or you could meet is physically close to his or her ideal weight range. So now is the time to be realistic with yourself and it's going to hurt to admit this - very few people are attracted to someone "in THAT way" if that someone is overweight. Yes, of course there are exceptions to the rule so you can save your hate mail. However, it is a rule of thumb that you have to accept.

I am not telling you to go on a crash diet. I am not telling you that you aren't worth loving now. I am not telling you that you can't get a date or fall in love if you are overweight. That isn't what I am saying at all. What I am telling you is people are very superficial and as an overweight person, you already know this to be true. How many times have girls or guys passed you up for your thin friend? Even if that friend isn't as smart or nice as you? Kind of sucks right? Unfortunately that is the way of most of the world and that's why you have to accept that you have to "give 'em what they want".

While it's unfair, first impressions are lasting impressions. We are only human and nearly everyone is going to select the more physically attractive person before the less physically attractive person. Again, there are always exceptions but, in general this is the rule of thumb.

The good news? You have the power to change. But, it's going to take time and it is going to be a commitment. It isn't going to happen overnight but, it can happen - only if you're really to work at it. And you can start today.

Today's Mission - YOUR HAIR
Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Is your hair frizzy or messed or perhaps you're sporting a hair style from 20 years ago. Good news. You can change this and it can be done immediately. Remember, it's only hair. Hair will grow back if you don't like a new style or hair cut. Don't know how you want it done? That's why there are hair stylists. Most salons offer free consultations about how your hair type and which styles will work best on you. Most salons have hundreds of photos and a good stylist will know what to recommend to you. Don't be afraid to change, if it it's been 10 years since your last visit to the hair salon then tell the stylist that you're nervous. Most good stylists will help get you over the fear.

Guys this one is for you. You need to look at your facial hair. Do you have a beard or mustache? If yes, is it clean and trim? Or do you look like you just crawled out of a cave for the first time in your life. If you're not sure, have them clean you up with a trim at the hair salon. Then once you see what they've done, you can keep it up at home. Again, don't be afraid to change, even if it means shaving your beard or mustache off completely. Many of people, myself included, find the clean shaven look the most appealing on men. However, if you prefer facial hair just make sure you keep it trim and attractive. Yes, it take work but you know what? It's worth it - if you want to attract the type of people you are only wishing would pay attention to you now.

Is money the problem? Did you know that if you really look you CAN get a free haircut? It's going to take some serious research on your part but, it CAN be done. Here are a few examples:

• In the Carolinas - give blood, get a free haircut. Read the article here: http://www.garnercitizen.com/2009/08/give-blood-get-a-free-haircut/
• Get a free haircut in NYC and maybe even become a hair model: http://www.jaunted.com/story/2009/4/2/12938/36041/travel/How+to+Get+a+Free+Haircut+in+New+York+City+%28And+Maybe+Become+a+Hair+Model%29
• Beauty training schools are often looking for volunteers in exchange for free haircuts. Bookmark this site for reference: http://www.survivalinsight.com/cheap-haircuts.html

So now that I've busted the "I cannot afford it" bubble, what is really holding you back? Change doesn't have to be a scary thing and a hair cut can be the first step towards creating a whole new you. You CAN do it!

Make an appointment today and keep it!

Learning to Love Yourself

For me this was and continues to be the hardest part of the journey. Learning to love myself has not been easy, and, I am not going to pretend otherwise. After a lifetime of negativity it is hard to accept that I am person of worth, however, each day I go just a little further in learning how to love myself.

So I'm going to do something for you that was hardly done for me over the course of my lifetime. See the clipart of the bear? That is a big bear hug from me to you. Even if no one else in your life is there for you, I am here, in cyber world with a bear hug for everyone who needs one.

Boosting your self-esteem:

So how do you begin to pick yourself up? If you are like me, you feel like you are in the deepest, darkest hole, and, you have no idea of how to even begin.

Be kind to yourself. Instead of always putting yourself down, just once a day say something positive about yourself. Need ideas? Here are a few to get your started:

1. I have strong morals
   
2. I am smart
3. I am good at trivia
4. I love animals
5. I am kind to old people

Get the idea? Start with things that aren't necessarily about your physical appearance. Think about things you like or what you enjoy - and then tell yourself something positive about it. It won't come easy at first but, keep at it and slowly you'll begin to accept that you really do have some pretty good character qualities, and, from there you'll be able to expand it into physical attributes.

Just don't expect overnight results. This process takes time and lots of it.

You're On A Diet and You Caught A Cold

You probably know it's coming before you want to admit it. You've been feeling run-down, you blame it on the diet. Then the next day you feel really run-down and just "off". By the third or fourth day, you have a running nose and then it hits you. You wake up with a rotten cold.

We're coming into cold and flu season and, if you're human, chances are you're going to catch a cold or two - maybe even three or more - this winter. Now the question becomes do you keep on your diet while you have a cold? Unfortunately, there is no real rule for this one. I've asked dietitians, doctors, and, anyone else would answer my question and I always get different answers. So, the best advice is to ask your own doctor what is right for your personal circumstances.

However, a few things are always common in the answers I receive from health professionals:

1. In-take lots of fluids. This includes soups (many of which are low calorie) and while juices are heavy in calories, they will help your body of ridding the bug, so, it's better to in take a few extra calories in juices then to be sick longer than necessary.
2. If at all possible try to stay home from work or school to rest. Even if your job isn't physically demanding, resting and sleeping will help get you better faster. You should absolutely stay home if you are running a fever over 99.9
3. When dieting and you catch cold take a simple one-a-day multivitamin everyday. This will help ensure you are getting all of the vitamins your body needs to function properly.

Other than that all you can do is sniffle, sneezing and cough your way through the illness. And, if you fall off the dieting wagon while you're sick don't punish yourself. Allow that you are human and needed food to help your body recover. All you did was push back your goal weight by a week or two. So don't beat yourself up over it!

The Occasional Jerk

Every once in a while, even fat girls and guys have attention thrown in their direction. And, once in a while the person giving the attention doesn't have the best of intentions toward you. You might be a joke, you might be an "easy lay" or you might be the person between "real" relationships. Congratulations - you have met the occasional jerk.

The occasional jerk starts off great. They are really into you, and, call, email and text like crazy. Then one day, just when you think everything is going ok. BAM! You are dumped in the nastiest way possible. This is the trademark of the occasional jerk. The goal? To break you. The occasional jerk is just that - a jerk.

Now is the time to be strong and DO NOT let food be your comfort. Yes, I know it hurts. It hurts like hell. My real life example of the "occasional jerk"? I had just lost a ton of weight for the first time in my life. I had managed to diet my way down to a size 6. I felt good about myself, I thought I finally had a boyfriend, and, BAM! Two weeks into dating - I was told I was too fat!! And he dumped me.

Can you imagine? Being told you were too fat and being size 6! This devastated me completely, and, yes, I went back to food. I figured that being thin wasn't the problem, it HAD to be me. Guess what? Not only wasn't it me, the only thing I did was pack on 50 pounds and had to start the dieting process all over again.

Say this to yourself at least three times a day. I don't care how stupid you feel doing it, it DOES work. Repeat after me: "I am a worthwhile human being. I deserve love. And I deserve someone special." Now say it twice more and MEAN IT!

Granted a genie isn't going to appear out of a bottle and your wish isn't going to be answered there and then. However, this is the power of positive enforcement. It's part of the over-all attitude change required to make the life style changes needed to get to the life you want and not the life you are dreaming about...

You and only you have the power to change yourself. Always remember that, then start practicing it, and, you will begin to see things change in your life.

Garbage In, Weigh Goes On

The diet journey began no less than 5 times before it took hold. I'd quit after a few weeks or even a month or two. Then one day, I don't know how, but, I fought through the pain and hunger and kept on my diet. The next time I wanted to turn to food for comfort, I got my fat butt on the exercise bike that was sitting in the basement that hardly got used. The very next day, I felt sore and I hurt but, I pushed myself and got on again. No one said dieting is easy and yes I fell off the diet wagon more times than I wish to recall.

The trick? You can't punish yourself when you do fail. Maybe you DID have a really, really bad day and maybe the only that is going to make you feel better is that hunk of chocolate cake. You know what my advice is?? It is the OPPOSITE of everything the skinny minnies always tell you. I'm telling you to go ahead. CHEAT. Yes, that's right, cheat! If you deny yourself what you really want now, you'll just explode and do more serious damage later. CHEAT NOW!

However, once again, the trick is to rein yourself in. Even if you have a week of out of control eating, don't worry! You probably only regained a pound or two and, only set yourself back a week or two in reaching your goal weight.

It's not the occasional episode of cheating that is going to do you in - it's the life time of bad habits. It's all a matter of checks and balances.

Now for the sticky one. Have you ever had a "friend" and I use the word loosely that tried to sabotage your diet? I'm sure you know the one - the person who decides to stop at McDonald's on your way home from shopping or traps you into meeting her for a fattening coffee at Starbucks. But, you know what? You aren't powerless. Be as sneaky and manipulative as SHE IS!!

TRICK HER! When she calls you up to meet her or go out - pinpoint the skinny wench and ask her are you stopping for dinner. Don't be afraid, you have the right to know. Even if she says no and then makes you stop anyhow there are few things you can do as defensive measures:

1. If you know you're going out with a friend trying to sabotage your diet, "allow" yourself room when planning out your daily menu. Assume that she is going to trap you, and, figure out how many calories to save. You'll ease the guilt and with a little bit of luck and planning, you'll still hit your daily calorie range.
2. Who says you have to order a Big Mac at McDonalds or a Strawberries N Cream at Starbucks? Order grilled chicken or have a salad. And have tea instead of coffee. You'll be amazed how these calorie saving tricks work and you still get to go out and be social.
3. Exercise ahead of time. If you know you're going out for a big meal on Friday night, exercise an extra 20 minutes per day. You'll burn off at least 50 to 75 calories per night and times that between 4 and 6 days, and, you're looking at a few hundred calories you have to use guilt free!
   

Use these simple tricks and you'll be the one coming out on top!